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    Question ID:   8242         Current Version: 1
Question: How do you juggle the holidays when you are a newlywed?
Category: Family & Relationships > Marriage & Divorce
Keywords: newlywed, marriage, holidays, family
Type: any
Rating:(2 ratings)    Views: 327    Discussions: 0   In Watch Lists: 1  

 
    Answer:

One of the surest ways to keep peace and harmony in your own home and in the life of your extended family is to lay down the ground rules for handling holidays as soon as possible after you are married if not before. The tug from mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles on all sides can wreak havoc in your marriage. Attention to a few details can make everyone's life happier.

YOU ARE NOW A NEW FAMILY

Even if you don't yet have children, you and your spouse are the beginning of a new family entity. Together, husband and wife, now make the decisions about what is best for them. This takes some maturity on the part of each of you as you may have to remind yourself when a relative is pestering you, that your spouse's wishes are more important than an extended family member. The sooner you can accept and begin to build your new family the easier it will be to make decisions about family requests, not only at holiday times, but throughout the year as well.

PLAN AHEAD

You will save yourselves a whole lot of aggravation if you plan months ahead for how you wish to handle the holidays. Do not wait to the last minute when everyone is clamoring for your presence at their party. Sit down with your spouse early and often and decide alone what you want to do as a couple. Maybe you want to do Christmas with one family and Thanksgiving with the other or some combination.

COMPROMISE

Family life and married life is often about compromise. It is difficult for everyone to get exactly what they want all the time. Your choices at holiday time may hinge on how close or far your relatives live or on traditions that have been well established that one or both of you do not wish to forgo. Undoubtedly you will each have to make some sacrifice to accommodate each other's preferences. A great way to solve this dilemma is to alternate years. One of you can choose where to go and what to do one year, and the other the next.

DON'T KEEP IT A SECRET

Once your plans are in place, let your extended family in on your decision. If they know ahead of time you are planning to spend Christmas Eve with them, they will be more likely to accept your decision to spend Thanksgiving with your spouse's family. If you want to have everyone at your house for the first time this Thanksgiving, invite them early before they make plans. Waiting until the last minute to tell your family what you are going to do can easily lead to disappointment causing unneeded stress for all of you.

BE FLEXIBLE

Even as you plan ahead, sometimes it is necessary to be flexible. If your decisions one year aren't going to work the next, be willing to renegotiate. Keep relaxed and fluid with each other and with your family members at holiday times and focus on enjoying the time you do have together.

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