Many things make up a healthy marriage. Lucky for us, most of these things can be taught and learned!

Marriage Education 

Marriage education is based on the idea that all married couples will have predictable challenges and problems. People can prepare themselves for these situations by participating in a marriage education program. In these programs couples can learn to:

• Talk without fighting
  
• Solve problems
  
• Strengthen trust and commitment
  
• Take better care of each other
  
• And much more!
  

Marriage Counseling

Research has shown that effective marital counseling or therapy can help married couples. Getting counseling from a licensed therapist who is experienced in working with couples or from a religious leader shows a couple's commitment to their marriage and is a sign of strength, not weakness.

However, exercise caution in choosing a counselor or therapist. The following guidelines can help.

• Find a therapist who supports marriage and is pro-commitment. If you decide to seek counseling about your marital troubles, either alone or with your spouse, make sure to find a counselor who will work to support your commitment to each other.
  
• Find a therapist who has the appropriate experience and expertise. Many therapists have not been trained to work with couples or deal specifically with marital problems. Before hiring a therapist, ask about his or her experience in working with couples and his or her approach to working with both spouses together. And, if violence is a problem, seek out a therapist with specialized training in working with this problem.
• Find a therapist who will challenge each of you about your contributions to the problems and pushes each of you to make individual changes to resolve the problem. Marriage problems are rarely one-sided. Typically, each spouse can make improvements in certain areas. Although the larger goals and focus of the counseling are on couple issues, the resolution of problems usually involves each spouse individually making changes to improve the situation. Therefore, if counseling is going to work, each spouse needs to enter counseling willing to work and make individual changes.
  
• See a therapist at the first sign of serious marital problems. Don't wait until the problems become so chronic and you become so discouraged that marriage counseling may not succeed. The longer you wait, the less likely it is that counseling will be able to help.
  

Practical Tips

There are some simple things you can do almost every day to maintain a good relationship. Try following these useful tips from marriage scholars, educators and practitioners.

• Be careful about criticizing your in-laws; most spouses will defend their own family even if they agree with the criticism.
  
• Never stop dating each other. It's what couples do to fall in love, and it's unfortunately what too many couples stop doing when they get married.
  
• When you have a problem with your spouse, look in the mirror first! Look for how you might be contributing to things going poorly.
  
• It's always easier to change your attitude or behavior than it is to change your spouse.
  
• Try calling "time out" when an argument starts to get out of control. Take a break and pick back up when you both have had time to calm down.
  
• Most married people crave more appreciation than they receive from their partners. Tell your spouse what you like and admire about her or him. These words will go a long way.
  
• Don't mind read. When talking to your partner don't assume you know the thoughts or feelings behind the words; let your spouse tell you.
  
• Don't try to solve a problem before you each understand each other. These premature solutions rarely work.
  
• Listen to what your partner is saying, even if the way it is said bothers you.
  
• How you begin a conversation usually determines how it ends. If you need to have a difficult conversation with your spouse, start off the conversation with something positive.
  
• Remember that all couples will have problems. It's how you handle them that determines your happiness in your marriage.
  
• Find 15 minutes a day to give your partner your full attention. Turn off the TV, put away the newspaper, and make sure your kids are occupied elsewhere.
  
• Every couple has a few problems that never go away. Happily married couples learn to accept this fact.
  
• Learn to see the difference between normal marriage problems and truly unacceptable ones, such as violence and abuse.
  
• Make a big deal of your wedding anniversary. Treat it like the birthday of your marriage.

If you want more tips sign up for a marriage education workshop near you! If you and your partner are struggling with specific issues which are causing problems you may want to seek marriage counseling or couple therapy.